“It’s rude to leave food on your plate” and “eat 3 more sprouts and then you can leave the table”. These are all phrases I have no doubt you have come across in your life, but most likely in your childhood. They are often used with good intentions to encourage healthy eating, but are they good for children’s’ relationship with food?
To put it simply – no. Teaching children from such a young age that they should eat things when they are already full and eat things they may really hate, just because of its nutritional value, is teaching children to ignore their hunger cues.
Not only that but by forcing them to eat fruits and veg that they do not like, enforces the idea that fruits and vegetables are something that people don’t like and are a chore to eat. This will frame the way they eat future fruits and vegetables and they will have a preconception that they won’t like it. All of these thing can harbour an unhealthy relationship with food, and a lifelong poor relationship with food could lead to body image struggles, an eating disorder and chronic dieting.
So what do you do if you think you have said these things to your child? Are you a bad parent? Of course not and as I said all of these things are said with good intentions or just because that’s how you yourself were brought up. Just because you have said them in the past, it doesn’t mean you can’t change your own relationship with food and encourage this relationship in your child. After all children mainly learn from role models.
You might ask how can you go about changing your own/child’s relationship with food for the better. Below are some tips for exactly that:
1. Respecting hunger levels
If a child says they are full let them be full. In society we are obsessed with the idea of a clean plate and this often gets in the way of honouring our true hunger signals. Babies are so good at knowing when they are hungry and full but somehow this skill appears to get lost as we grow up. If your child can’t eat anymore then allow them to not eat more and if they are hungry allow them to eat rather than waiting for ‘dinner time’.
2. Respect not everyone likes all foods
If a child doesn’t like a particular food don’t force them to eat it. Instead explore alternatives that they do like or haven’t tried yet which give the same nutritional value and vitamins. Remember there is no one single nutrient as you can get the same nutritional benefit from various foods. Also, remember that taste buds change, so if your child is willing to try the foods they haven’t liked, they may decide they now like it.
3. Don’t use food as a reward
Don’t use foods as a reward. This applies to everyday life not just when eating. You’ll often hear adults use food as a reward food good behaviour and it’s often the less nutritional foods that are used as the reward. By rewarding with foods it puts said food up on a pedestal and will lead to increased desired for the food. Instead reward with non- food related things such as play time, an activity they like doing, or buying them a toy.
4. Don’t refer to food as good and bad
Avoid referring to foods as good and bad. People often describe foods with less nutritional value as bad and foods with higher nutritional value as good. But in reality food is just food. By creating a food hierarchy it doesn’t stop us from wanting the so-called bad foods, we might restrict ourselves, but what it actually does is make us want them even more. This is fine to want certain foods more than others, but when this stems from an unhealthy relationship with food, it’s likely that you will experience guilt after eating it.
5. Avoid talking about diet culture
This is a hard one for many to nail because diet culture is so engrained into society. What this means is to avoid talking about things related to dieting such as restricting and negative body image. There is a lot to unpack with diet culture and the more you learn the more you will start to recognise it in society, and reject it. An easy place to start is think about the way you speak about your own body. Do you say things like “I won’t eat that because I need to fit into that dress” ? Do you appreciate your body on the whole or are you vocal about everything you dislike about it? All these phrases children will pick up on so be mindful of the language you use relating to your body.
6. Don’t restrict foods
It can often make sense for parents to limit the highly processed and sugary foods, but in fact this restriction will only increase the desire for it (remember how Willy Wonka’s dad wouldn’t let him have sweets and chocolate, and then he went onto make a whole chocolate factory). Also, it will prevent the child from being able to self-regulate their own food. Again, there is nothing wrong with eating more than the recommended amounts of something if that’s what you want to do, but if it’s from restriction, there is absolutely everything wrong with it.
7. Learn more about gentle parenting and intuitive eating
Gentle parenting is a parenting style focused on parents trusting their child’s instincts as opposed to what they think their child should be eating/doing. Although it’s a scary concept for many, it often raises children to be independent, have a healthy relationship with food. Intuitive eating can also help you or your child have a good relationship with food.
8. Picky eaters
You might say, “if I let them eat what they want they won’t eat anything”. This is a perfectly understandable response as a parent. You want to make sure your child isn’t malnourished, and not to feel like you are doing a bad job as a parent or guardian. Well it might help to explain why children tend to be more select about the food that they eat. From an evolutionary perspective, if children didn’t eat unfamiliar foods, it would be because it could have been poisonous. This also could explain their preference for sweeter foods as toxic foods tend to have a bitter taste.
9. Involve your child in growing, buying and cooking of food
A good way of encouraging your child to eat certain foods, such as fruit and vegetables, is by involving them in the buying, growing and cooking of the foods. When a child is more involved in the process of a meal it increases their likeliness of enjoyment of the foods. For younger children this can be easier said than done but it is so worth it when you can spare the time!
All of these suggestions are so worthwhile for you to do for your child but also yourself. I myself have only learnt all these things recently and it’s amazing how quickly your whole mindset can change. Don’t ever think it’s too late, it’s never too late it just will take a lot of hard work, but I can promise you it will be worth it!
Written by Beth Tripp
